I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
