Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
