he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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