so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
