... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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