ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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