The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
