some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
