I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
