You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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