she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
