Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
