Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Randomize
