By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
