how do flat chested girls get laid?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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