You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
