K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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