Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
