He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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