There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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