they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
