duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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