if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
That accounts for only three of the penises
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
