I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
