I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
that is very illegal...i love you.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
