Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
He kissed a someone with a penis
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
