I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
