the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
