I think I won the penis lottery.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I would ride that face into the sunset
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
