She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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