We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
