he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
