Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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