Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
