Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Randomize
