1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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