remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
