so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
