I am in a vortex of obligation.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
