even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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