I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
