He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
