Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
