I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
