my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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