I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
