I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
