its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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