today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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