Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
