alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Randomize
