I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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