Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
