just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
