I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
