; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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