I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
