It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
