I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
