how can u be prego again
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
