i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Randomize
