I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
