I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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