Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
