As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
