Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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