hotel room ftw
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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