this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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