someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Randomize
