Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
