am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
