Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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