What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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