Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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