considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
