I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
