i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
