Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
