you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
