could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
