I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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