Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We smell like vodka and hangover
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