Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
MIDGETS
????
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize