Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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