On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
