Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
