Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Randomize
