I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
