...so i touched it.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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