It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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