just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
