Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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