How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize