I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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