doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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