You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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